Just because it is something that you want, does not mean its good for you.

I am a fan of searching for and passing on what I call pearls of wisdom.

I was taking to my sister about our ailing father, and how our sister was treating him. He is 68 years old, retired and all he wants is to be waited on hand and foot. he just wants to stay home and watch movies all day.

The first pearl of this story comes from my interpretation of 'Man's Search for Meaning' by Viktor E. Frankl. In this book he states that people thrive when they are in pursuit of a purpose, not when they are in pursuit of pleasure. There are two points in the book where it discusses retired workers that have nothing left to wake up for. he says you can watch them degenerate both physically and mentally, both times I was near to tears. I have seen it with my own eyes and know it to be true.

The second pearl, that I wish to share, is one that I like to stake some of my own claim in. As I looked back at moments in my life where I got what I wanted, I am normally met with moments that I regret living through. (Here I would like to introject to give my meaning of regret in this instance. I do not feel bad about my actions, I feel bad because I would not see the repercussions of the actions. People make mistakes, the only time the remain mistakes is when they go with out learning from them.) The fact of the matter is that, getting what you want has no barring on how good it is for you. If you give a child every toy that they want, it is likely that you will not have a house to shelter them, food to feed them, or clothes to cover them.

Happy New Year!!

-NK

Food for thought.

For the fact that I am pretty sure I am the only one that looks at this page, I will once again write a piece that is more for my benefit then anyone else.

I was lying on the carpet of my father house. My eyes where closed and I was tired but sleep came slowly. There on the floor I thought to myself, a favored activity of my brain when I am over tired. The theme of the night was 'love'.

Both my mother and father came from families that where not structured and both seem to have cold hearts. I have no doubt that they cared for each other, when they where married and even now 16 years after their divorce. I was still young when they divorced and it was hard on me, but I had a good sized family. One sister took care of me the most, she wondered about my schooling and worked to help me in the hard areas. If I had to guess, I would say that she was the only person that I loved unconditionally. She passed away when I was 14 and I it still is rough sometimes.

I guess my real quest here, is knowing what love is.

As far as I can tell:
It is not something that you can will to happen.
People can be married for years and never have it.
It is not spontaneous.
There are no rules to it.

I fear that, because it seems to not exist in my mother and father that it truly is not there, and that means that I have not the understanding to experience it myself.

Is this a common fear?

Happy New Year!!

-NK