(Poetry, always be ready to open new doors.)
Lunera was radiant and life flowed from her
each day was a new adventure to embark
drops of rain would begin to flow
Lunera was as soft and warm as sun on skin
there was always light dancing in her eyes
the smell of crushed rose pedals brought her to mind
Lunera was rich with color and full of wisdom
her smile could lift an army of hearts
knowing you could see her made the days go by
Lunera was brisk and life was lost
a river of tears began to flow
embodied only in thought and will
Happy New Year!!
-NK
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Just because it is something that you want, does not mean its good for you.
I am a fan of searching for and passing on what I call pearls of wisdom.
I was taking to my sister about our ailing father, and how our sister was treating him. He is 68 years old, retired and all he wants is to be waited on hand and foot. he just wants to stay home and watch movies all day.
The first pearl of this story comes from my interpretation of 'Man's Search for Meaning' by Viktor E. Frankl. In this book he states that people thrive when they are in pursuit of a purpose, not when they are in pursuit of pleasure. There are two points in the book where it discusses retired workers that have nothing left to wake up for. he says you can watch them degenerate both physically and mentally, both times I was near to tears. I have seen it with my own eyes and know it to be true.
The second pearl, that I wish to share, is one that I like to stake some of my own claim in. As I looked back at moments in my life where I got what I wanted, I am normally met with moments that I regret living through. (Here I would like to introject to give my meaning of regret in this instance. I do not feel bad about my actions, I feel bad because I would not see the repercussions of the actions. People make mistakes, the only time the remain mistakes is when they go with out learning from them.) The fact of the matter is that, getting what you want has no barring on how good it is for you. If you give a child every toy that they want, it is likely that you will not have a house to shelter them, food to feed them, or clothes to cover them.
Happy New Year!!
-NK
I was taking to my sister about our ailing father, and how our sister was treating him. He is 68 years old, retired and all he wants is to be waited on hand and foot. he just wants to stay home and watch movies all day.
The first pearl of this story comes from my interpretation of 'Man's Search for Meaning' by Viktor E. Frankl. In this book he states that people thrive when they are in pursuit of a purpose, not when they are in pursuit of pleasure. There are two points in the book where it discusses retired workers that have nothing left to wake up for. he says you can watch them degenerate both physically and mentally, both times I was near to tears. I have seen it with my own eyes and know it to be true.
The second pearl, that I wish to share, is one that I like to stake some of my own claim in. As I looked back at moments in my life where I got what I wanted, I am normally met with moments that I regret living through. (Here I would like to introject to give my meaning of regret in this instance. I do not feel bad about my actions, I feel bad because I would not see the repercussions of the actions. People make mistakes, the only time the remain mistakes is when they go with out learning from them.) The fact of the matter is that, getting what you want has no barring on how good it is for you. If you give a child every toy that they want, it is likely that you will not have a house to shelter them, food to feed them, or clothes to cover them.
Happy New Year!!
-NK
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Food for thought.
For the fact that I am pretty sure I am the only one that looks at this page, I will once again write a piece that is more for my benefit then anyone else.
I was lying on the carpet of my father house. My eyes where closed and I was tired but sleep came slowly. There on the floor I thought to myself, a favored activity of my brain when I am over tired. The theme of the night was 'love'.
Both my mother and father came from families that where not structured and both seem to have cold hearts. I have no doubt that they cared for each other, when they where married and even now 16 years after their divorce. I was still young when they divorced and it was hard on me, but I had a good sized family. One sister took care of me the most, she wondered about my schooling and worked to help me in the hard areas. If I had to guess, I would say that she was the only person that I loved unconditionally. She passed away when I was 14 and I it still is rough sometimes.
I guess my real quest here, is knowing what love is.
As far as I can tell:
It is not something that you can will to happen.
People can be married for years and never have it.
It is not spontaneous.
There are no rules to it.
I fear that, because it seems to not exist in my mother and father that it truly is not there, and that means that I have not the understanding to experience it myself.
Is this a common fear?
Happy New Year!!
-NK
I was lying on the carpet of my father house. My eyes where closed and I was tired but sleep came slowly. There on the floor I thought to myself, a favored activity of my brain when I am over tired. The theme of the night was 'love'.
Both my mother and father came from families that where not structured and both seem to have cold hearts. I have no doubt that they cared for each other, when they where married and even now 16 years after their divorce. I was still young when they divorced and it was hard on me, but I had a good sized family. One sister took care of me the most, she wondered about my schooling and worked to help me in the hard areas. If I had to guess, I would say that she was the only person that I loved unconditionally. She passed away when I was 14 and I it still is rough sometimes.
I guess my real quest here, is knowing what love is.
As far as I can tell:
It is not something that you can will to happen.
People can be married for years and never have it.
It is not spontaneous.
There are no rules to it.
I fear that, because it seems to not exist in my mother and father that it truly is not there, and that means that I have not the understanding to experience it myself.
Is this a common fear?
Happy New Year!!
-NK
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I Can Only Imagine.
As a common practice, I try to aid people in doing the best that they can. This is something that I think everyone should do, but I know that because of most of the risks many people would give up. I am not sure what it is about me, but people will end up telling me about the thoughts and regrets. It the person asks me for help, I tell them how I see it and the steps that I would take to solving the problems they stated.
Telling people the how you see them, normally ends up with the person terminating the friendship. Maybe I am just giving the advice wrong, but every time it happens. I have seen results in either direction, those that followed my advice had a recession and then their life just picked up. A few that discredited my opinion without putting much thought into, are living lives that hurt their loved ones. I am not saying that my advice is right or correct, but thinking about what I am saying and applying it to yourself yields positive results.
I wish that there was a way to tell people how to work on their problems without losing them as a friend. Because currently I do what I can the help people and have to put faith in them working on themselves, and it hurts to lose a friend like that.
Thats where this blog headline comes from, I am 'throwing change to see what happens.' and as far as I can tell, no one reads this blog. I just have to have faith that one day after I have forgotten that I made this blog, someone will stumble on it and get something out of it.
Happy New Year!!
-NK
Telling people the how you see them, normally ends up with the person terminating the friendship. Maybe I am just giving the advice wrong, but every time it happens. I have seen results in either direction, those that followed my advice had a recession and then their life just picked up. A few that discredited my opinion without putting much thought into, are living lives that hurt their loved ones. I am not saying that my advice is right or correct, but thinking about what I am saying and applying it to yourself yields positive results.
I wish that there was a way to tell people how to work on their problems without losing them as a friend. Because currently I do what I can the help people and have to put faith in them working on themselves, and it hurts to lose a friend like that.
Thats where this blog headline comes from, I am 'throwing change to see what happens.' and as far as I can tell, no one reads this blog. I just have to have faith that one day after I have forgotten that I made this blog, someone will stumble on it and get something out of it.
Happy New Year!!
-NK
Saturday, February 21, 2009
If they handed you the world, would you love it?
This is a more non-pointed rant, then a informative piece that I believe all should be able to see.
I think fast, always have. So scenarios of my actions can be build and the following possible reactions.
Last night I was caught on a kid that sits in the back of my History class. Devote Christian and a Right Wing Republican. During one of the classes we were discussing that Democrats and Republicans disagree on certain topics. One student said that abortion was an example, and the Christian Republican that he was grumbled loudly about how horrid it was to kill children.
I few mind boggling scenarios later and I was thinking about how I would discuss to him the loss of my sister. She was a 29 Devote Catholic, she taught Sunday school growing up, she always pushed people to their potentials. She died of a blood clot, and she still keeps me going and fighting to be the best that I can. I am pretty certain that she had a relation outside of wedlock, but I do not think that, that one event dictates that she will spend the rest of eternity in Hell.
Then I thought a abstract, at best, thought: If the world were to live 100% to the student in the back of the classes ideals. With everyone agreeing, I see that the world is more likely to suffer wars. One factor is that, if the world were to be ruled by his ideals, then I would have no rules or guidelines on how I would deal with the death of my sister, that is a rare case. Even if he was a man of 110 years of age, he can not practically be able to write a standard for which all could live their lives.
Another factor, say that he thought people had the right to own property. The right to own property instills greed into even the most honest of souls. People would fight for land, whenever two civilizations reached a point where they needed more resources then they had.
I see a person that is locked into one way of thinking, as someone that is lagging culturally. I want to be able to look at the kid in the back of the class and just yell at him, "I hope for your sake that you open your mind before someone with ill intent gets to you."
What I would ask of you as a human: When someone does something to you that hurts you in someway or angers you, I want you too look at actions that you have done and find when you have done something similar to someone else. I you find that you hurt more people then you would like, it may be time to start rethinking how you go about things.
Happy New Year!!
I think fast, always have. So scenarios of my actions can be build and the following possible reactions.
Last night I was caught on a kid that sits in the back of my History class. Devote Christian and a Right Wing Republican. During one of the classes we were discussing that Democrats and Republicans disagree on certain topics. One student said that abortion was an example, and the Christian Republican that he was grumbled loudly about how horrid it was to kill children.
I few mind boggling scenarios later and I was thinking about how I would discuss to him the loss of my sister. She was a 29 Devote Catholic, she taught Sunday school growing up, she always pushed people to their potentials. She died of a blood clot, and she still keeps me going and fighting to be the best that I can. I am pretty certain that she had a relation outside of wedlock, but I do not think that, that one event dictates that she will spend the rest of eternity in Hell.
Then I thought a abstract, at best, thought: If the world were to live 100% to the student in the back of the classes ideals. With everyone agreeing, I see that the world is more likely to suffer wars. One factor is that, if the world were to be ruled by his ideals, then I would have no rules or guidelines on how I would deal with the death of my sister, that is a rare case. Even if he was a man of 110 years of age, he can not practically be able to write a standard for which all could live their lives.
Another factor, say that he thought people had the right to own property. The right to own property instills greed into even the most honest of souls. People would fight for land, whenever two civilizations reached a point where they needed more resources then they had.
I see a person that is locked into one way of thinking, as someone that is lagging culturally. I want to be able to look at the kid in the back of the class and just yell at him, "I hope for your sake that you open your mind before someone with ill intent gets to you."
What I would ask of you as a human: When someone does something to you that hurts you in someway or angers you, I want you too look at actions that you have done and find when you have done something similar to someone else. I you find that you hurt more people then you would like, it may be time to start rethinking how you go about things.
Happy New Year!!
National Favorite Color Day.
I was in the grocery store and a stranger came up to my friends and I. He knew one of my friends but I have never seen him before. He asked all of us our favorite colors, then he reached into a shopping bag and pulled out a colored straw to match our favored colors, then as he passed them to us he said 'Happy National Favorite Color Day.'
It being Valentines day, we questioned him. As it turns out the man was starting his own holiday. He is a fan of the idea behind holidays, and when friends had exclaimed their hatred for valentines day, being a day that 'forces' people to be romantic, or leaving out the people that are fine being single, he went out trying to make his own.
'Everyone has a favorite color, or many favorite colors... so, National Favorite Color Day is more inclusive then Valentines Day.' I thought that he had a valid point, Valentines Day has a tendency to make those that are not in a relationship upset. This way people that did or did not like Valentines Day would have an alternative choice.
As for the gift giving portion of it all, I thought the straw was a pretty fun idea. It costs only a few cents and as he said 'Its more the symbol of the gift, being from one friend to another, then the cost of it.'
'If you don't know someones favorite color just ask!'
So in my book February 14th is also National Favorite Color Day.
Happy New Year!
-NFC
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Week Ahead.
For the next week I am going to be in house care for my father. Physically he is doing fine, he can walk on his own, I think he could do almost anything any 67 year old man could do. He wakes up eats breakfast, then takes a nap, then sits in a chair all day watching movie after movie, then he goes to bed. If I allowed myself to fall into that cycle my physical health would decay until I could no longer do anything else.
Honestly I am not sure how I feel toward my father, we have never really gotten close. Manly I fulfill what could only be described as a trade off for bringing me into this world and the great ability to play a full game of monopoly. I can not think of one moment that we have had a conversation where he passed on a pearl of wisdom to me. Most of the things that I have learned from him where lessons about the effects of certain mentalities.
When I was born he was already passed the age of being an active father, he always worked and never took time off for himself or us, when I was five he and my mother got divorced, during the toughest moments of our family he became more distant when the rest of the family was becoming closer.
Anyone that has lived in this town for 30 years knows who he is, and they say that he was one of the nicest people they knew, the man that always had a moment to talk.
Even though we have not formed a solid bond, and he has never been there for me; he is still an important part of my life. I know that I have to cherish the moments that I have.
This next week will be hard, watching my father die because he gave up on himself years ago and it is taking its toll on his body.
Happy New Year.
-NK
Honestly I am not sure how I feel toward my father, we have never really gotten close. Manly I fulfill what could only be described as a trade off for bringing me into this world and the great ability to play a full game of monopoly. I can not think of one moment that we have had a conversation where he passed on a pearl of wisdom to me. Most of the things that I have learned from him where lessons about the effects of certain mentalities.
When I was born he was already passed the age of being an active father, he always worked and never took time off for himself or us, when I was five he and my mother got divorced, during the toughest moments of our family he became more distant when the rest of the family was becoming closer.
Anyone that has lived in this town for 30 years knows who he is, and they say that he was one of the nicest people they knew, the man that always had a moment to talk.
Even though we have not formed a solid bond, and he has never been there for me; he is still an important part of my life. I know that I have to cherish the moments that I have.
This next week will be hard, watching my father die because he gave up on himself years ago and it is taking its toll on his body.
Happy New Year.
-NK
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