The Company You Keep.

In the course of an average day I have the chance to make a friend about forty times. All I have to do is be me and do my job. I am a part time deli sales clerk, a position that you can not be all-put-together to do. I cut meat and cheese and every time all I have to do is open my mouth and ask them something about who they are. The right something does play a big role in how far the conversation goes. If I were to ask them for their social security number the conversation would not last long. But if I take a few seconds to look at them. The expression on their face, the way they stand, the way they are breathing or looking at something. I can come up with a broad question and ask them in a tone that gives them free rein to tell me everything or nothing, I can find out one small bit about who they are and anything can be reached from there.

One day I was working and a man came to the counter, he looked as though he had better things to do then stand in a line. So, I did my best to get him through the line. I have a compulsion to find out if the slice is right and will go a little out of my way to find out. His girlfriend arrived as I was standing out of the department showing him the slice. We went back and she asked questions and chit chatted back and forth. they asked for something on the other side of the department and when it looked like they could not find it I went to help them. They got what they needed and left. Ten minutes later I started to take down the Hot Foods we have on the salad bar, the women over heard me say something and came over. 'This is going to sound weird, but I have a baby in me, and every time it hears you talk it kicks.' We talked for a bit and I said that I got out in twenty minutes. She came back and offered me a ride. While I was helping to get groceries in the truck they asked me what I want to do with my life, and I answered 'I want to be a Father. On that teaches the kids.' They gave me their number and told me to call when I had free time and we could set up me watching his boys.

Two weeks later I watched the kids four times, and running around the playground and discussing the world from the point of view of a kid again was the most refreshing things in a long time.

At any moment, if you keep your eyes open you have the chance to turn a stranger into a friend. I lived in Portland, Maine for a year. Maybe small to you, but it is ten to twelve more people then where I grew up and a third of the space to house them all. After I while I got to the point where I judged people on a system, when I first talk to them they are a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. everything from that point moves them up and down the line. If I have talked with them and they achieve the status of less then four on every encounter, then I move on. There were to many people to just sit there and try to talk a 3 into a 7. The system is not clear cut and subject to change on a daily basis, but when I found myself home again and in the company of old friends and realizing that at the end of our encounters they barely ranked a 5, I knew it was time to move on. Just like old tires on the lawn, it is not healthy to keep something longer then it is needed. When you sell the car that the tires go to, throw them in the back seat, or into a dumpster. When you decide to progress in your life, and your friends stay the way they were, it is time to move on.

I have I large bias about not discussing things when it is important to do so. If you are moving on and you have decided not to see the friends anymore. Tell them why, in a few years if you both find each other in a similar path again, the friendship can start on a fresh page. Though start them at a 5 again, just because they changed what you thought was wrong with them does not mean that they are a better person for it.

For the most part I find myself in the company of good people, and I enjoy their company and when it is no longer the best choice for me I have to move on. I do my best to let them know and then I do what I need to do for me.

The environment of someone else, no matter how great they are, may just be toxic to where you want to be in life. You have to make the tough choices, you have to live for yourself and your children. You fight for yourself to be strong willed and healthy, you fight for your children because there is no way they can do it for themselves.

The company you keep effects the environment around you. For better or for worse.

-NK