Imperfections for Purification

This blog is my new year's resolution, I want people to be able to look at themselves all of the time; with any hope this blog will give some of its readers insight on how to go about changing things that they want to change.

I started reading Harriet Learner's 'The Dance of Fear.' I choose it while I was walking around looking for something to buy with the Christmas gift card that my Aunt gave me for tutoring her in math last semester. I had enjoyed 'The Dance of Anger,' A book that I plan to buy and reread. This morning I had the time to just read, do to the rare nature of this time when I am not on school break I grasped the opportunity and read the first four chapters of the book. Once again I am inspired by the insight that Harriet has put on the page before me. 'The Dance of Anger' was primarily written for women, which is why I think that it spoke so much to me, at the time I was a 20 year old male that was fighting years of depression. The book handed me the solution because I had to apply what I was reading to fit my circumstances.

Fundamentally I try to offer ways for people to change what they state as their problem in life. Normally they distance themselves instantly and overtime they are left with only following the advice that I had given them, to solve the problem they are faced with. My hope when giving someone advice on a subject is that they will look at their problems for a different angle. Mostly, they are not suffering from what is around them at that point.

My personal imperfection is that I will sacrifice the friendship that I have with the person to help them become a stronger well rounded person. A few years ago I sat down to talk with a councilor with the college I was attending, I discussed what was going on and answered questions that were asked of me. I was surprised to hear what came next 'You are altruistic, which is a rare quality. The reason that altruism is so rare is because the altruistic person does not help themselves.'

The truth then and now is that I am altruistic to feel alive, it is my fight against the side effects of depression. 'I do not care about myself, so I should care for others.' And there lies what is wrong with me, I will throw away my needs to grant others wants. It makes me an outstanding friend, but it also makes me a large target for malcontent people that will work me till I have no more to give.

Though I suffer from time to time with the delicate balance of helping others, I have found things about myself that I enjoy and want to express as much as possible. Such as my will to have others talk to people and to fight the hold of mundane things have on their psyche.

-NK