The 'How To' Guide of being a Human

Through the last few years I have been trying to balance myself and still get what I am going for. Last night while I was buzzing off a mix drink called a Dirty Vegas, I thought that I was just simply doomed to pour myself into other people and all would be reflected in them to others. This seems to be the pattern that has happened, I get a crush on a girl and I start to talk with her, my intentions become clear and she moves on.

I am a human being with needs, wants and desires; this world is a little off the tones of rational thought. If I ask a women on a date, she acts as though I just asked her to fuck; if I ask a women to fuck, we have sex. So here I am, understanding what is wrong with the cycle of meaningless sex does to a society and physically needing some stimulation. I think that it is morally and emotionally damaging to have meaningless sex; I never regret an action, because it would deny the fact that it happened, but I try not to fall into a cycle that only fulfills some of my needs.

When I am sober all I want is to go on a date with a women, I want to learn about them; I want to find out my likes and dislikes of the opposite sex. When I have had a little to drink, I just want to meet my physical needs. On either side I am not getting all that I want, to be quite honest when I am sober I get nothing that I want. But drunk or sober I do not want to have to live a day life and a night life, because no matter how I cut it the day me and the night me will have to meet in the morning.

I know exactly what I want of myself in the future, but I have no idea how to get there. Though I am almost certain that if I continue on the path that I am I will not be able to have the things that I want in the future. So, at the age of 21 I am looking at myself wondering if I should live a little like the rest of the world seems to do, or if I should let go of childish ways to walk through life and grow up and make every decision based on whether it will lead to my goals.

My back and forth struggle on dating and making life choices to grow up, are more reasons why I wish that people would start to talk about things again. This morning I read to my father again from Alan Alda's book 'Never Have Your Dog Stuffed' and I saw the same thing I see wrong now, the only difference is he was looking at the beginning of it and I am looking at the outcome of that some sixty years later. If I am lucky I am looking at the darkest before the dawn, on the breakdown of communication.

Some things lead me to believe that there is light coming down the stretch, last night with my sister and niece I watched the last eight episodes of 'The Secret Life of an American Teenager.' The show discussed everything that goes on for the average teenager in high school. Some of the duologue was droning and choppy, and it is most assuredly a 'chick' show, but it actually talked about issues that have gone undiscussed too many times.

So here is the how to guide for you

Step One: Learn and Absorb all that you can. This is a constant thing.
Step Two: Define your likes and dislikes, on everything. Be willing to change them at time goes on.
Step Three: Socialize, and if you find good people that help you somewhere and make you laugh and cry at the right time, hold them as friends
Step Four: Start out on your life's path. Again, continual; Again, always changing.
Step Five: Open your ears, your eyes, and your heart. The person that you are meant to be with will be standing right there with you.
Step Six: Pass on your pearls of wisdom.

If you can stay on this path, all is yours. But be forewarned, SHIT happens. People get injured, sick, die. Friends stay too long, leave for no reason, die in front of you. Mentors' and leaders' flaw supersede their perfect exterior. Work becomes painfully mundane. Lovers become strangers. Everything you held as truth becomes a lie.

The trick is wading through the bad and using it to make yourself stronger. The saying 'What does not kill you makes you stronger' is only true if you fight to make it true. If you break your leg and never go through the steps to rehabilitate it, you will not walk again, but if you break your leg and work with it everyday, one day you will walk again. The same goes with mentally and emotionally damaging events. You have to work towards understanding them and overcoming them.

Nothing is easy if you never try.

-NK